One of the million things that I have failed to understand since I arrived here on earth is the human fascination with the female breast. Ok I’m lying, not since I got to earth, maybe let me say since I was five years old. ‘Cause for the first year after I was born, I was an avid supporter of the breast. However note that I said “human” fascination not “male” that means both males and females of either sexual orientation. People worship the breast.
I don’t get the whole obsession about cup sizes and double DDs. Now you probably think I talk like this because I have the perfectly sized pair. Well if you think that oranges are the perfect size then yea I have the perfect size. I am not gifted with melon sized breasts that become a safe haven to hide money plus a cell phone when you walk through Hillbrow but I love what I have. Seriously. In the small boobs category I would win the Most Beautiful Pair award. I do not understand why people go under the knife and then stuff bags full of whatever just so they can make themselves or their men happy.
What’s the male fascination with boobs anyway? Someone said they feel good when you hold them but I think that men never got over being weaned from the breast by their mothers. Let a man hold the breast long enough without protesting and pretty soon he will attempt to suck it. Perhaps the obsession with the breast is actually the manifestation of the trauma that their source of food was taken to them so forcefully, along with the comfort of lying on mommy’s chest and being bonded to the first woman they ever loved. Amazingly though, as boys grow, the breast still arouses a hunger within them albeit one that requires them to consume in a naked state. He who has ears let him hear. (wink)
But what of the woman’s obsession with her own breasts? More so in our era where the phrase “size matters” applies to both males and females. Women obsess about their mammary glands as if they were erections and they suffocate them together to form the magnificent Cleavage, even setting aside an entire day in a year to worship this crack between their boobs. And why not, when the breast is a symbol of femininity, sometimes inducing the same spasms through its nipple as the mighty clitoris can? Hence breast cancer becomes the worst enemy as it literally castrates us of our womanhood.
Ladies and gentlemen I would like to suggest that the breast is the female equivalent of the male phallus and we still win because we have two. (wink again). Yes both nipples also get erect as if mocking that you have only one. Men pretend not to understand why women are going under the knife to mimic Pamela Anderson but I think they do. You can do little to change the perspective of a woman who believes that she has small boobs, same way you cannot convince a 2 centimetre man that size really does not matter.
So will I ever consider shopping for a bigger pair? I don’t know really, I kinda like Sweetie and Sweetheart (that’s what I have named them). Their size displays an innocence that is no longer common in the land. Besides when I talk to men, they actually look me in the eye as they have long given up on spotting a cleavage winking from my chest. My only fear is that one day I am gonna have a little boy who will love the breast so much that by the time I wean him, I will have nothing but two hot water bottles hanging from my chest. SCREEAAAAM!