There is this ubiquitous phenomenon that has taken centre stage. Some like it and some abhor it (me included). “What on earth am I talking about,” you ask? Well, boys and girls, I am talking about guys who dress like women. And no, I’m not referring to homosexuals or drag queens. I’m talking about straight men. You know, guys like me, and a few of you. You will find these clowns clad in colourful skinny jeans, pants, and even socks. And the final straw that breaks the camel’s back is the man’s bag. Gosh, who comes up with such drivel? Oh dear Lord, have mercy on them – for they do not know what they are doing. I just wonder what would have happened to them if Shaka Zulu were still alive. Hmmm, I just wonder. So, what this piece means to do is to educate guys out there about what not to wear, and I am by no means purporting that I am a fashion guru. Understand? I’m glad you do.
1. No floral shirts – guys who wear these should be hanged with -strings. You would find them matching their Trompies shirts with mustard trousers. Gosh, where are the fashion police when you need them the most. And I believe if the fashion FBI was there the culprit would say “Asina ke Spikri”
2. No ankle gripping jeans – As if skinny jeans and Sfarzos were not enough. I just wonder what happens in the guy’s head when he jumps into those cardiac arresting jeans. No man, I think there should be a law that forbids such crass dressing. Bheki Cele, please do something. Oh, my bad! He’s one of them and of course, he is suspended.
3. No silk shirts – If you think I’m kidding think again. People who wear them have s-curl and cuts as their hair dos and kick and bhobozas with chains on the sides. And boy, do I have a song for them, and it goes something like – call the cops when you see Mr. Silky Shiny S-curl and the tune would be that of Tupac’s call the cops when you see Tupac.
4. No long nails – Maybe this should not labelled as a clothing item, but
heck, I’ll do it. I just don’t understand guys who keep their nails as long as
the Randburg queue at Bree Taxi Rank. Who are you trying to impress?
Certainly not any lady, ‘cause women I know hate long nails as much as I
hate Pirates. Ok, maybe hate is too a strong word. Let’s just stick to
So, if you cross paths with such guys please shout hey Humpty, how’s it there. I kid. But truth be told, one could swear that they are in competition with women. Maybe I’m wrong or I just don’t know nada about fashion trends. And like I said, I’m not a fashion guru.