The prophets of doom believe 2012 is the year of the apocalyptic Armageddon and life as we know it will be exterminated by means of natural disasters never experienced before. Nonetheless here we are in a brand new year and I believe our thinking capacities have been refreshed and our day to day focal points polished. With that said, Compliments of the New Year to everyone.
Is there a formula on dealing with unresolved past relationship issues? How do you get over someone and know for sure you’re over them? How does your past relationship(s) affect your current one? Have you ever felt that your ex was the best closest thing to love and wished your current partner could compare?
I believe everyone has a story to tell when it comes to love and relationships. Some might conclude their stories with tears and some will tell the happily ever after. “Before you get to the ‘prince’ ladies would say, ‘you may kiss creepy frogs’ along the way”. The big question is (applicable to men and women) of all the frogs you’ve kissed along the way which one of them is still stuck in your mind and why?
There is that one person whom you just can’t forget for one reason or another. How do you know that you have moved on? There are some who think the best way to move on is to be able to communicate with your ex on a friendly level without feeling anything. One young lady from Pretoria believes “an ex is an ex for a reason …” brilliant but what happens after someone becomes your ex? There are so many things that happen in life which may lead lovers to pull apart. In some cases some come together for different reasons and hence fail to coexist because they don’t have a common ground. Whatever the reasons of breaking up, the aftermath maybe disastrous to one or even both parties but mostly it’s that person who was in the relation for love who gets hurt when they don’t get it. Based on unconfirmed statistics, the ladies are the most victims of breakups because (apparently) when a ‘woman loves, she loves for real’
If a woman gives her all to a man and doesn’t get loved back or on the contrary she is physically abused, the result is a woman who is an emotional wreck who believes all men deserved to be flushed down the toilet. If the woman is strong enough to heal from her previous relationship, the next guy who comes into her life may either be loved to bits or pay a hefty price for the evils committed by his lover’s ex. Some ex lovers continue to communicate and they say ‘we’re just friends now, nothing more’ whilst some curse the day they first met. Quite a number of crazy folks will go to an extent of ‘stealing each other’ because time and again they recall the good times they had and miss them.
I was lucky to get an insight from Philisiwe Shange from Pietermaritzburg who keeps contact with her exes and they communicate without the fear of ever falling for each other ever again or having casual sex. She says, “I keep contact with them (ex-boyfriends) and I don’t think about them in that way, it’s easy” she says. Since she keeps contact I asked if she doesn’t tell her ex-boyfriends about her problems (because every relationship has its flaws and men [a few of course] are good opportunists, tell them about how bad the other guy has been and be sure to get an alternative in a flash). She says she is careful enough not to talk to them about her love life problems. They however do talk about the good times they once shared but that won’t do no harm because “they know sekwadlula.” She says. “So I don’t believe in being bitter because better things are on my way. Just talking and being friends won’t kill. I simply remind my ex that he blew his chances and what can he do now (sic). If he really loved me the first time we met he would have made sure I am still in his life right now” said Miss Shange.
Some people will keep their partners’ pictures in their phones or PC’s. The messages filled with ‘sweet nothings’ make lovers feel close and this is for the duration of that connection they share. So, with this memorabilia of your lover around you, what do you do at the point of break up? Asked about continued communication after breaking up, our contributor who preferred to remain anonymous, reckons “communicating with an ex is a failure to move on [because] you can’t move forward whilst still looking back” So I conclude that from her point of view, if you break-up with someone, everything that points to them and even those good times you shared should be wiped not only off your brain but off all your electronic gadgets that have data storage devices.
One friend of mine believes he doesn’t have to delete his ex-girlfriend’s contact from his phone. He still keeps the photos of the ladies he has dated. His best way of getting over is not destroying the evidence of the ex’s existence once in his life but rather he keeps it and he grows over her. If I may buy into this school of thought, successfully growing over someone will mean you truly no longer feel anything for them.
Some believe as soon as you get or deliver the message that the relationship is over you must delete his number, his chat history on WhatsApp, his BBM contact, unfriend him on Facebook and ask them to burn your photos and stuff like that. If you ever loved the person, the truth of the matter is that it will take some time to heal, only then can you move on. If you move on without healing, then you’re brewing yourself a serious disaster and so your ‘next stop’ will suffer. You might wonder why I use the phrase ‘next stop’. Starting another relationship whilst a better part of you is still hanging towards the previous one is not moving on. You’re just using the poor person to try and prove to yourself that you can ‘do without’ your ex. The truth of the matter is you can’t, at least not yet. If you will be honest with yourself, how you feel if you bump onto him in a convenience store happily buying groceries with his newly found lover?
Surprisingly and interestingly, some live in with their exes (they are no longer in love but still stay together) and if you have balls hard enough to ask why, the answer you get is “darling, am doing the best for my kids” Playing happy families won’t do no good to kids because they will pick-up the tension between parents.
I had an interesting contribution at the time of preparing for this article from one Sandra C. Nkonde, all the way from Zambia (Ziyawamag is going global I tell you). She says she has an ex she doesn’t seem to forget. It appears they both don’t seem to forget each other because apparently the guy is still begging for another slice of the ‘cake’ but she says she denied him the opportunity but admits she still misses the good times they had. Curious to know what exactly makes her stuck on him (I suspected he is the guy who took her virginity) so I asked her directly and she tells me “no man, this is the guy who gave me the true meaning of love. We parted ways because he used to beat me up but after sometime I would look beyond the ‘abusive man’ and see that man who really cared and loved me” The guy has married another woman and Sandra still can’t seem to get any luck in replacing him. She says has been involved with some other guys after that but they just get worse as they come.
So here we are! Do you have an interesting experience about that ex you just can’t get off your mind. Did you have one or you manage to move on easily after failed relationships? You still can share with us how you manage to move on and if you fail to move on what is it that that makes your ex abe u X ongasolveki?
Halla!! – PRO over and OUT!